“The Two Most Powerful Warriors are Patience and Time” – Leo Tolstoy

So it’s been a while since I last wrote a blog post, and it’s given me a lot of time to think about things.

Unfortunately my break from blogging has been less of a choice and more of a necessity. The past two weeks have been physically painful to say the least, and although I am still in a lot pain whilst writing this, I am on the road to recovery. I will spare you the details for fear of boring you to death, but it’s safe to say that taking this time to rest and recover has given me a lot of time to take a step back and think about the daily hustle and bustle we call life.

I realise that last sentence probably sounded quite deep, but this is genuinely where my thoughts have taken me over the past couple of weeks. It’s the first time I’ve properly been able to think in any kind of depth about why my weight loss just isn’t happening, and what steps I can take to try and maintain some level of consistency and perseverance (two things which I struggle the most with).

Before this recent bout of illness, I had started to get back into some form of gym routine, and I was beginning to go more regularly. It was a small step, but progress nonetheless. The nature of my illness has meant that I have been in a lot of back pain, exacerbated by nearly everything possible (okay, perhaps an over-exaggeration, but you get the point). I’ve had to abandon any plan of going to the gym, and this has left me frustrated to say the least. I feel like I have been set back, and I felt almost helpless as I thought about the prospect of having to start over again. I’m sure i’m not the first person who has felt this way, and i’m certainly not going to be the last.

Given that I’ve had to rest a lot over the past fortnight, I’ve had little else to do other than to think. I’ve spent many nights sleepless, sometimes down to the pain, but at other times due to the racing of my own thoughts through my head. The climax of the latter lead me to think; what if I am approaching this all the wrong way? 

It is no secret that I am someone who likes to be harsh on myself. I have always been a self-deprecative individual, which has led to me becoming the butt of my own jokes. When it’s come to my health and body image, i’ve upheld this. I’ve always had an all-or-nothing attitude, and perhaps this is why I have been failing. What has always held me back in terms of my health and fitness, is never recognising any achievements or positive changes i’ve made. Instead, if I don’t see results quickly, I’ll often punish myself for it mentally, and abandon everything. As petulant as this sounds, unfortunately this was my way of thinking, and even more unfortunate is that I’ve only really realised this recently. As I’ve made a pact to not dwell too much on the past, as this has often set me back previously, I want to focus more on the change i’ll be making, and more importantly, how I can measure my success and be patient about achieving the results I want.

The quote that I’ve used as the title for this post is probably missing one word, and that is perseverance. Whilst patience and time have their own importance, for me personally, perseverance (or lack of) is what is stood between me and where I want to be. I feel that if I had stronger resolve to persevere, I would have been in a different situation right now with regards to my health and fitness (ok, I wouldn’t have been Mo Farrah, but still). Keeping this new perspective in mind, I’ve been thinking about some of the changes I can incorporate into my day-to-day life, and whilst yes, they may not be seen as the quickest or most conventional methods of achieving my goals, they are still going to require a lot of perseverance on my part. I can tell you that as someone with a rigid mindset, this is going to take a lot of doing on my part to change.

I will write another post with my changes, but for now I must retire to my bed for my daily codeine coma.


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